


An Alien and a DJ Walk into a Bar (and Accidentally Start a Relationship)

by Kadaaver



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Albino Dave Strider, Albino Rose Lalonde, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, F/F, Interspecies Awkwardness, Interspecies Relationship(s), M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trolls on Earth, Xenophobia, artistic liberties taken with the trolls anatomy, karkat mustve missed that memo tho, not too bad but there can be parallells drawn to racism, so if thats not your jam i wanted to at least include a warning, the ones moving to earth learns some english in beforehand, trolls speak alternian
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-05-08 09:00:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14690787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kadaaver/pseuds/Kadaaver
Summary: Dave is a withdrawn DJ who lives with his twin sister Rose, who is an author.Karkat has recently arrived on Earth. He doesn't understand the language and he has no place to go until he's picked up by Kanaya.Dave has no motivation to go outside, and even less motivation to actually speak to people. Rose wants to write human/troll romance books, but she'd need the help of an actual troll to do so respectfully. Kanaya volunteers. Karkat is dragged along for the ride. Do you see where this is going?(I'm writing this story basically to dive into how a relationship between humans and aliens would work out, it's a DaveKat story but Rose and Kanaya are probably gonna appear a lot <3 expect no major plot, this is purely self-indulgent fluff.)





	1. Introducing Dave

**Your name is Dave Strider.** You are a 24 year old dude living in a kickass top floor apartment with your sister. You are a college dropout and a self-described musical genius. Your sister’s name is Rose Lalonde, the reason you’re not sharing surnames is a long and complicated one, but you two are in _no doubt_ related. Rose finished college, but before she managed to get anywhere with her fancy degree her self-published books took off in popularity, and so it happened that the two of you became the power siblings that you are today. Just a bro and a sis living the dream in an insanely expensive flat inherited by sheer luck from some random relative.

It certainly sounds pretty good, but that’s about the extent that your luck goes to.

Life certainly wasn’t always a dance on roses, but you find that it’s easier to focus on what’s going on in the moment rather than what already happened. If it was up to Rose to decide, she’d have you spewing your thoughts and feelings out on a regular basis. ‘ _Dealing with past trauma’_ and shit. More like an invasion of privacy.

And it’s not like you aren’t a functional member of society. You are quite a popular DJ, at least going by your schedule. You’re a regular performer in a lot of clubs, and not that you’re the type to brag (heh, psyche) but the nights when you’re scheduled to perform there’s always a huge crowd. It’s definitely nice for both your confidence and your bank account.

That’s.. about it thought. If it wasn’t for that, you’re not sure how much you’d even leave your apartment. All you friends are online and seeing as it is pretty much your job to stay inside and write new sick tunes, there’s not really that much to go outside for. (Plus, the fact that genes fucked you over in terms of being light-sensitive. You don’t believe in fate and all that jazz, but there’s definitely some irony involved here.)

Rose is probably the best sister and flat-mate you could’ve asked for. She’s patient and she’s understanding. Well, at least in her own way. She doesn’t push you too hard of your comfort zone, but still enough to qualify as ‘encouraging a healthy lifestyle’. In turn, you like to make sure she doesn’t bury herself too deep in her hobbies and work.

 

You’re currently in the kitchen, nursing your third coffee cup of the day. Rose is standing with her back turned towards you, fixing something by the stove. Probably something to have for lunch.

“Dave?”

“Huh?”

“Where you paying attention to what I was saying?” She turns around halfway to you, a single eyebrow raised knowingly. You could attempt to play it off cool, but as it so happened Rose had a bullshit detector like no other. Or more specifically, a Strider-bs detector. She’d know if you were lying her in the face.

“Sorry. I must’ve spaced out. Can you repeat everything since you started talking?”

Rose squints her eyes against you, then reaches over the kitchen counter in between you two to give your shoulder a light shove before you could react.

“Asshole.” She says, but her tone holds no hostility.

“I was talking about my writing,” She continues, and upon hearing this, your vocal-chords respond immediately by reflex and you let out a groan. She shoves at you again. “Shut up. Anyway. I told you about my new project, right?”

“The whole interspecies porn thing?”

“I never specifically mentioned anything adult-rated. But if you think I should take it down that route, I am open for suggestions!” Her smile has grown significantly, and you think you can detect a hint of enjoyment creeping up on her smug little face.

“Ugh. No, not falling for that, Rose.”

“Very well. I decided I wanted to try something new, just for fun. So I published an ad in the newspaper.”

“… why?”

By the way she crosses her arms over her chest and leans back against the fridge, you can tell she has been dying to talk about this for some time.

“I’m glad you asked, brother dearest. Seeing as the topic of my ongoing project is about trolls and humans.. I wrote an ad basically saying I would be interested to pay to listen to and ask a troll questions about their life and culture.”

You blink a bit as you let this sink in properly. Rose wants to pay someone to hear them rant about culture. And trolls got that complicated shit, quadrants and stuff. That was probably the most boring adult thing either of you ever come up with.

“You.. you are aware that internet is a thing, right? Where you can find answers to most questions? For free?” You ask incredulously, but you already know the answer to that question.

She raises her eyebrows in a way that mirrors the same skepticism you felt before.

“If I ask people on the internet for advice, I might as well go and flush my writing career down the toilet while I’m at it. Especially knowing which lengths _some_ people go to in order to spread misinformation.” She gives you a very pointed look, which you can only respond to with a huge grin. It was nice to have your efforts recognized, after all.

“So, to make a long answer short. No, I don’t trust forums. I’d rather meet a couple of trolls face to face and just have a conversation. I did mention the plan with the project as well, so don’t accuse me of using people. They’re aware I’m writing an _‘interspecies porn thing’_.”

“Thank god. Well then. You’ve successfully covered all my questions and concerns without me having to even say that much, good job! When’s your date?”

In just a second, all of Rose’s smugness was replaced with genuine surprise. It wasn’t much, but you pride yourself in your ability to catch her off guard at times.

“I wouldn’t use that word for it.. I’m meeting them tonight. Here. In our flat.”

Now it was your time to be caught off guard, but instead of taking pleasure from it, Rose is merely regarding you with a cautious look. This was obviously her indirect way of asking for permission, and you needed to consider it carefully.

Neither you nor Rose had a lot of guests. Like, ever. Rose had had a couple of dates now and then, but that was a while ago and it seemed like she had mostly given up on that whole thing. And you… well, let’s just say that you weren’t so keen on letting others into your personal space, which was about a 30 feet radius around you at all times. And not to mention, you had _not_ spoken to a lot of trolls in your life. Sure, you’ve met your fair share of them in the clubs and such, but you’ve never actually sat down and held a conversation with one.

You feel the familiar sensation of anxiety rearing its ugly head in the pit of your stomach. This was always the case when you were threatened with anything even resembling a social call, but the fact that you could remain in your home was a big comfort.

You can feel Rose’s gaze on you while you are still processing her request, and once again you feel a pang of thankfulness with how patient she is with you. You close your eyes and take a deep breath, deciding to voice your dilemma.

“Ok.. I’m maybe not one hundred percent for the idea, but I think it could work. How much of a role do you expect me to play in it though?”

Rose smiles gently in return. “I appreciate your honesty. I had been hoping to have at least your company.. I must admit that I am a little bit nervous as well. The pair I’ve been in contact with are a female and a male, and the latter only speaks Alternian. I will naturally be leading the conversations, I just.. thought that some moral support might be in order.”

You don’t miss the way her expression contorts with nervousness at her last words, and you nod to show you understood.

“Alright. I’ll hold your hand while you talk to the scary trolls. Might I offer a first tip?”

“Oh? Yeah, absolutely.”

“Maybe don’t refer to them as ‘male’ and ‘female’, that sounds weirdly scientific. They gotta have names, right?”

“Err, right. The one I spoke to introduced herself as Kanaya. She sadly neglected to mention her friend’s name, but I guess we’ll find out soon.” She muses, and you two share a meaningful silence.

“God, look at us. The Strilonde disaster twins. If the world knew the level of anxiety we excrete every day our reputations would be in shambles.” You joke, and Rose startles you with a soft laughter.

“I appreciate when you do that, you know.” She says, and you wait for her to explain further.

“When I got to know you, you were basically in denial about everything bad that’s ever happened to you. It’s nice to hear you acknowledge your own anxiety, and mine as well, I suppose. A big step on the road to recovery is admitting your troubles.”

Her words stun you to silence for a while. Rose was probably the only person in the world who could get away with openly addressing your.. whole.. thing. Your thing. She knows you aren’t the most comfortable around that subject, but you suppose you did kind of bring it up first.

You attempt to give her a dignified answer, but all you manage to get out is; “guergh.”

This seems to be enough for Rose however, and she smiles that same warm smile again.

“Glad we could talk about our emotions, Dave. It’s always a pleasure.”

“Shut up. And don’t belittle me.” You grumble, but feel no resentment toward your sister’s snark. It’s a welcome change from the heartfelt honesty from just seconds ago.

“I’d never dream of it. Now, please, take a shower before our guests arrive. You look like an abandoned shoe and smell even worse.”


	2. Introducing Karkat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2! 
> 
> I just want to real quick say thank you to everyone who has read, left kudos/comments etc!! It warms my heart! <3

**Your name is Karkat Vantas.** You are almost 12 sweeps old, and you’ve lived on Alternia your whole life. Like all other trolls, you spent your pre-molt age living alone in a hive together with your lusus. _Unlike_ the majority of other trolls however, you had no designation on the hemospectrum, making you a mutant and an outcast. Or well, that would’ve been if anyone had known about it. Before shit hit the breeze blender you had managed to snag a place onboard a shuttle to basically the other side of the goddamn universe. Also known as Earth.

Alternia might have been trying its hardest to kill you from the day you hatched, but it's still the only home you've ever known. So before you had left it you had spent probably an embarrassing amount of time looking at cheaply produced tourist documentaries about this over-crowded, backwater planet. Looking back it might have been a desperate attempt to get to know your new home and its inhabitants before arriving there, but at the time you hadn’t thought any deeper about it.

From what you found out, Earth seemed like a significantly less hostile place, at least in the common living grounds. The human race itself however was probably the most conflict-prone little shits you had ever heard of. You weren't gonna deny that you had been kind of nervous to make the trip.

When you arrived it was like all previous knowledge of the planet just lodged itself out of your hear ducts to never be seen again. 

To say that Earth was overwhelming was to put it mildly. You had understood that humans were social creatures by your information videos, but seeing it in person had been absolutely overwhelming. Sure, Alternia has become somewhat more active since the treaty with humanity, but it still lacked the huge civilization clusters that Earth was so famous for.

As you had understood it, humans usually liked to keep track of everything and maintain strict rules (the basic rules and regulations along with human behavior 101 had been advertised all over the ship you arrived in), but it seemed like the alien immigration system still was a work in progress. Seeing as one of the deals between Alternian and human rule was that there would be free passage between the two planets, Earth had apparently not yet been able to set up a system that met the species standards with order and surveillance.

You had gotten this explained to you by a fellow troll, who worked as a human society expert on the ship. They had explained that humans normally tried their best to make sure all individuals had some kind of hive, or house as they called it. But from the lacking system the newly arrived trolls sadly couldn't always expect to be caught up in this safety net. 

Luckily, most trolls didn't really have that expectation either, as each and every one of you always had to look out for yourselves, so you had figured you'd manage just fine.

And you had. Kind of. If you didn't count the embarrassing amount of time you spent cowering in alleys from the masses when it all got too overwhelming, the fact that you’ve had to spend several days in a row going hungry, and had no way of communicating with the alien world around you.

It was a small comfort whenever you saw a troll in the street, you had even struck up conversation with a couple out of desperation and in fear of going insane in the sea of incomprehensible babble the humans made. One of them, a slightly intimidating jade-blood, seemed to have taken some kind of ( _platonic!!)_ pity on you. She seemed to have been one of the 'lucky trolls' to have received a human housing in order to better intergrade in their society.

She told you that her name was Kanaya and that she had been on Earth for almost one sweep already. She was apparently staying in some kind of communal hive along with four other trolls. She had offered you to come visit to see what it’s like. Usually, you would rather shove a stick up your waste chute than to follow a troll you had just met on the street home. But after having spent so long alone on a completely stranger planet did strange things to your head, making you feel like every troll you came across was already an acquaintance.

Looking back, it had been kind of pathetic that you had just latched onto the first person to talk to you. So much for managing on your own, you had criticized yourself. Nevertheless, you’re glad that you met Kanaya. She is a kind soul with a knack for fashion and relationships. At least theoretically, as the two of you had spent your first evening consuming scalding leaf fluid (which she told you humans referred to as ‘tea’) and talking about Alternia.

It all kind of developed naturally from there, you had been introduced to the other trolls living in the same hive (Gamzee, Terezi, Sollux and Vriska, you recalled) and there seemed to have been an unspoken agreement in the name of troll solidarity that you were free to stay if you liked. You had to admit that you were kind of nervous about staying in the same hive as two high-bloods, but you had been assured you had nothing to worry about. Vriska seemed like an asshole, but as you had understood it Terezi was helping her balance out that behavior. Honestly, bless moirails.

The purple-blood you first avoided, given their.. _reputation_ back home. But this guy – Gamzee, was like a fucking parody brought to life. He was perpetually stoned out of his mind, which seemed to have turned him into a giggly, friendly idiot. When you talked to him the first time, he had slid an arm around your shoulder and rambled on about how it was some miraculous bullshit that you had found your way to their humble abode. After that, he affectionately dubbed you “his little street troll”. Fair enough, really.

-

You had been living with these five assholes for a month already and it had been a little bit better for you in terms of your mental wellbeing. You hadn’t realized how fucking stressful it had been to constantly be wandering around until you finally had a place to stay again. You still didn’t speak a lick of English, but now you could at least rely on having people around you to translate if it was needed.

It was nice to feel like you could finally afford to sit down and just _breathe_ for the first time in a while, and despite not having known Kanaya for that long; she seemed to be able to tell you had gotten a rough start on Earth. She was obviously curious about your history, but she seemed to respect your aura of ‘MIND YOUR OWN PUTRID BUSINESS’.

_Thinking of the devil_ , Kanaya stepped out of the doorway leading to the meal block. She was holding two cups of human tea as she made her way towards you, and carefully set them down on the table. Then she took a seat on the couch next to you.

“A penny for your thoughts?” She asks you, and you regard her with suspicion.

“What’s a penny?”

“It is one of many kinds of human currency. It looks like a small piece of metal, and as I’ve understood it, it holds little to no value.”

“Then why the ever-loving fuck would I give away my thoughts in exchange for one of those? My inner workings are far more valuable. What can you even get for a penny?”

Kanaya gave you a thoughtful look, seemingly not minding your vocabulary either and instead only considered the question.

"I actually do not know. Do you mind if I get back to you on that question?" She asks, and you can't tell if she's being facetious or genuine. 

"It's not about minding or not, I just really don't give a shit." You tell her in all honesty, and she laughs. So it seems you had guessed right that she was joking.

"I enjoy talking with you, Karkat. It's always nice to speak with people who don’t shy away from speaking their mind." She's smiling as she's saying this, holding her cup up and taking a careful sip.

"You act as if that's an uncommon thing for trolls to do. Or wait, is that a human thing?"

"It is a human thing. They think it's very important to avoid conflicts of any kind, so it seems that rather than being true to themselves, they tend to change their behavior or even opinions depending on who they are talking to."

Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "Seriously? What kind of pushover species are they even?" 

"Their society depends on getting along with one another, so it is only natural for them to make those kinds of compromises in social situations."

"Huh.. That’s actually interesting." 

"I figured it would interest you. It really is a shame you can't find that out for yourself yet. You haven't heard anything regarding a potential language course?”

You give her a look that hopefully translated to 'thats the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my short, miserable life'. 

"I wouldn't know, every piece of important looking paper you get delivered to this piece of shit hive is written with the odd human stick-language. Seriously? What's up with that? They have one letter that's just a goddamn line! And then another letter that's two lines connected to make a 90° angle. It's almost like it's made to be confusing. Goddamnit."

Kanaya starts chuckling heartily to your outburst and then points towards your cup.

"You better get started on that, before it turns cold.”

You grumble vague insults under your breath and do as you're told. While you're sipping on the hot liquid she clears her throat meaningfully.

"I realize that without speaking the language this might come as a foolish suggestion.. But I would feel bad if I didn't at least ask you." She's looking kind of guilty when she's saying this, but without context it's impossible to say why. You wave your hand encouragingly to let her know you're listening and would like her to continue.

"Ah. Well. As it happens, I have responded to a job offer.. kind of. A human writer that I happen to know of was by some amazing chance looking for trolls willing to help her with a project; a book about troll and human relations. And seeing as you're probably the most educated person I've ever met on the topic.. I figured I would ask you if you'd like to accompany me." 

You're staring at her when you realize where she's going with this. You feel both a spark of excitement and anxiety mixing together into a disgusting cocktail of indecisiveness. There's nothing you enjoy more than sitting down and seriously discussing quadrants, and you won't deny that you're definitely interested on how humans work on that aspect. Do they have their own kind of quadrants or if they have some other kind of freakish alien way of forming relationships? They were meant to be an amazingly social species after all, so your hopes were needless to say high. But the downside of all this was that Kanaya would literally have to translate everything word for word.

As if sending your internal turmoil, Kanaya speaks up again. "Like I said, I understand that this must seem very inconvenient. But I assure you that I won't mind translating for you. And humans are used to language barriers, so I'm sure it won't be too strange for them." 

"I must say, Maryam, you're actually doing a good job of selling this idea." You tell her, because yes, in practice it seems like it won't be any problem. But your social anxiety about meeting and greeting members of alien race for the first time is loudly telling you otherwise.

"But..?" She asks patiently.

"But I think I would like to think about it, if it's alright?"

Now the guilt makes its return on her face. "Well.. of course I would like to tell you that it's alright, but as it so happens.. I'm going to meet them tonight."

"FUCK."

"Yeah.. fuck." She echo you, only quieter. You sit in silence for a while and take some more time to consider. Once again, just like she’s able to tell what’s making you hesitate, Kanaya pipes up.

“You know, it’s gonna get scarier the more you think about it.”

You glare at her for making such a bold assumption about you, it doesn’t even matter that she happens to be right this one time.

“Fine. I’ll come along and see the human. But I hope you realize that I’m not going to make this easy for you.” You tell her and point a meaningful finger her way. She looks pleased with herself, and nods in understanding.

“I think I would be disappointed if you made it too easy after all this build-up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: The phrase "speak of the devil" in swedish is "speak of the troll" :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys meet!
> 
> I also retconned myself here - I scrapped the idea about a translating device. The logic of writing it bothered me too gosh darn much. Just in case anyone's wondering where that whole thing went.

After an adequate amount of complaining you had done what Rose requested and hopped into the shower. You figured that along with all of their other freakish alien features, having a heightened sense of smell wouldn’t be too surprising. Gross, but still kinda cool, you concluded.

You spent a couple of minutes in front of the mirror, making sure your hair wasn’t a complete mess before you dunked it full of hair gel. When you were pleased with the finished product, you glanced up to briefly hold your own red gaze. You didn't have to worry about a single thing, you were on home ground for fucks sake. It was the aliens that should consider themselves lucky to be welcomed into the Strilonde residence. That was like a once in a lifetime opportunity, and it boggled your mind that these aliens probably wouldn't even understand how madly lucky they are.

You kept up your internal pep-talk for at least five minutes before you had collected enough delusions of self confidence, and then took it to exit the bathroom.

Outside, Rose was placing out her beloved porcelain tea set on their living room table like the excellent host she was. She had done her makeup during the time you had been in the shower, and looked just as intimidatingly elegant as always. You clear your throat and she loved up with a satisfied smile.

"You look like a new person." She tells you with a neutral tone.

"You look like something the cat dragged in."

"Don't be ridiculous. You know Jaspers isn’t allowed outside. Now.. does everything look okay? I think I've managed to hide away all potentially offensive objects. I also did some quick cleaning and organizing.. and I think I set the table in a way that goes as both modern and classy." She's rambling at this point, and you take a moment to enjoy that for once it's Rose that's losing her cool about something, not you.

"Hey, Rose, chill. It's not the fuckin' royal family of England we're inviting over. It's two nervous trolls. So take a time-out, cool down. I can get the door if they happen to drop by early. Go and pet Jaspers or something." You try to channel as much confidence as you can when you're telling her this. If she notices even a hint of nervousness in your tone she wouldn't budge from her position. She seems to consider what you said for real though, and eventually heaves a relieved sigh. You can practically see the tension dropping off her shoulders.

"You're right. Thank you. I guess I'm more excited about this than I first thought."

*

You spend the time waiting for your guests with a sketchbook on your lap, working to perfect the concept to your latest ironic masterpiece. It had been just about fifteen minutes since Rose excused herself to calm her spirits, and during that time you had filled about an entire page with your genius ideas. Your creative jam was put to a stop by the very silent, very hesitant couple of knocks that came from the apartment door. Your anxiety made itself painfully known again by sending a chill down your spine. Instead of getting up, you chose to stare at the door in silence, waiting to hear the same sound again to confirm that you had indeed heard right.

After what felt like pretty much forever (though in reality only 10 seconds had passed) the knocks came again. This time, you shot up from the couch and went for the door.

Despite living in the same society as them, it had somehow escaped your memory that trolls were huge. Not unreasonably huge, but the two aliens in front of you must be at least two meters each. You felt a pang of intimidation, but didn't let it show on your face. One of them, the girl, was slender and carried herself with a similar kind of grace that Rose had. The guy was a bit shorter than her, but made up for that with his stockier build. There was a lot of physical differences between trolls and humans, most remarkably was how _goddamn_ sharp they all were. Their horns, their weird bug claws, and almost worst of all, their protruding sharp fangs. Like their mouths were designed too small to fit all those tiny murder weapons.

As if realizing your state of minor panic and confusion, the taller of the trolls spoke up, her voice calm and quite pleasant.

"Is this the residence of Rose Lalonde? I am Kanaya, the one who answered her.. 'work' offer." She explained. Her accent was thick but all in all her grammar was quite flawless. The other troll just stared at you with a face like you had just pissed in his oatmeal. Grubmeal, whatever.

"Yep! This is the right place, welcome to the Strider/Lalonde crib. I'm Dave, Rose's bro." You greet them, the faux confidence in your voice impressing even yourself. You reach out your hand to the one of them that spoke, but near immediately let it falter.

"Do trolls shake hands? It's this human greeting. I don't know much about troll body language or troll-anything really, so I hope that didn't mean anything insulting or threatening. Uhm. You don't.. gotta." You trail off, but before you're completely able to retreat your hand, the female troll gently catches your hand between both of hers. It’s a strange sensation. Troll skin is much rougher than human skin, and rather than fingers it’s more like they just have five flexible claws.

"I'm familiar with the gesture. It holds no particular meaning for trolls, so don't worry." She's smiling when she's saying this, and you take note of how it's only her canines that seems to be enlarged. It gives of a very Dracula-esque feeling but you keep that comment to yourself.

She shakes your hands gently once, then lets it go. And you hold it out towards the other troll with a (what you hope is) a winning smile. The large troll only looks down at your hand and then up at your face again with a very deadpan look.

 _"????????????"_ He says, and to your ears it sounds like a strange garbling mixed together with random vowels.

The other troll - Kanaya, your brain supplies - looks like she just realized something and turns to her friend, switching to their native language and is seemingly explaining to him what a handshake is, wild gestures included. You stand by a little perplexed, waiting to be clued in on what's up.

"Pardon us. This is Karkat. He doesn't speak English yet, he's basically only just arrived here. I only explained the gesture to him." She explains, looking a bit exasperated by her faux pas. You still somewhat, from what you had understood most trolls learned at least the basics of English (or whatever native language their country of arrival had) before arriving. It wasn't obligatory, but it was just one of things you assumed. You couldn't wait for all the possible ways you were gonna misunderstand this guy.

"Oh, uhm, that's all fine, I think? It's Rose who's.. the boss, I guess. Also uh - he doesn't want to shake my hand or? I don't mind, I just wanna know if I should keep awkwardly holding it out or not."

Kanaya wastes no time and turns to Karkat again, seemingly asking him the same thing you had just said. Karkat looks up at you with a gaze that would most likely scare lesser people, then shoves his clawhand into yours like a limp noodle. You grin victoriously and show him how it's done. He looks mighty perplexed, and retreats his hand immediately when you let it go.

He bites out something quietly, but looks a bit more relaxed now when he's no longer in any kind of spotlight.

"Awesome, now come on, I'll get Rose and we can get this party started. Take a seat if you want to." You tell them, pointing to the couch and table where you and Rose had earlier prepared the tea set. You hope trolls like tea.

You leave them in the living room and go off to alert your sister of their presence. You find her curled up on her bed along with Jaspers. The concept of Rose falling asleep in nice clothes cuddled up with her cat is just too good, so you whip out your phone and snap a quick photo before waking her up.

"Hey, how the fuck did you manage to fall asleep in ten minutes? Anyway, wakey wakey, guests are here."

Rose, despite all her goddess-like qualities, wakes up with the same kind of grace like the rest of you mortals. Which is, none at all. She wipes a glob of drool from the corner of her mouth and sits up straight.

"Shit. I'll be right there." She says, ushering you out of her room with a flick of her hand. You roll your eyes beneath the shades and oblige the resident diva's request.

You come back out to the living room and find your alien guests chatting quietly on the couch. The shorter one - Karkat - looks a bit fidgety.

"She'll be right here." You explain, and awkwardly take a seat on the armchair on the other side of the table.

"That's fine. I believe we might've have been a bit early anyway. So uhm, Dave, was it?

“That’s right. Don’t wear it out.”

“Rose only mentioned you briefly, So I wasn’t sure you would be joining us. You're her brother, if I understood it right?”

"Sure as heck am. Are you guys siblings too?" You ask them. Or, just Kanaya you guess, since the other dude is just staring at you like a person-sized question mark whenever you open your mouth.

"No, trolls don't really share the same kind of family dynamic that humans do. Uh-"

"Oh shit right, I even knew that but I still asked like a fucking goof. Sorry."

"No, it's quite alright! There's many cultural and social differences that it takes time to get used to. I've lived here for about two human years. Karkat has only been on Earth for.. I think it would translate to two months. And I've only known him for about half of that time." Kanaya explains, and you nod lightly. Kanaya turns to Karkat and switches over to Alternian, presumably translating everything you've just talked about. The shorter troll nods and says something you assume is a confirmation to what Kanaya just told you. He is speaking so quietly, but from the little things you can make out he has a really nice voice. It's deep and scratchy, and even though you think he's attempting to whisper it still comes out a bit too loud. But that's fine, you don't understand a single word anyway.

"So are you dating then? Or quadranting - right?" You ask, and Kanaya sputters a little, shaking her head to deny. The other troll speaks up, his tone a mix between curious and worried. Kanaya answers him and his expression turns horrified. If you weren't so scared of having stepped on their feet, you'd probably be laughing right now at how these two were acting.

"You don't gotta answer that if it makes you uncomf-" And before you can even finish the sentence, the shorter troll explodes into what you could only assume is a verbal onslaught of insults. His volume suggests anger, but his expression and tone contradicts that. Like he's embarrassed and insulted or something like that. And going by Kanaya's expression, it seems like all the shit he's saying isn't _that_ bad.

You turn to her with raised eyebrows, speaking up even though Karkat is still not-quite-yelling-but-almost. "Care to help me out here? The lil dude obviously has a lot on his heart and I'd hate to disappoint him with no answer."

Kanaya is looking most perplexed, her gaze going between the two of you. She's trying to understand two conversations in different languages at once after all. You think you'd feel pretty torn too. Finally, she turns to you again and seems to be grasping for a way to start.

"Okay, I don't think I can translate that word for word. And he used a lot of colourful language as well.. I could start with explaining that Karkat has a very strong interest in quadrants. Theoretically, at least. He's.. mildly offended by comparing human dating to troll quadrants." She tells you.

"And he wants me to .. 'paint a really fucking clear picture of how he and I are just friends.' that's about as good I can quote that."   
  
You nod and let your gaze wander over from Kanaya to the semi pent-up troll dude. This was too good to be true. He's glaring daggers in your direction, and if you hadn't just found out that he was the troll equivalent to a romance-novel fanatic, you think you would be kind of scared right now.

To reply to him, you hold your hands up in what you hope is the universal gesture of ‘shit dude, my bad’. At least he's gone quiet again, but he's still really glaring at you.

Rose, of course, picks that time to step out of her room. She gives you a somewhat stern look, and you assumed that she heard the ruckus from minutes ago.

“Hello there. I apologize for my delay, I hope my brother hasn't upset your friend all too terribly?” She asks Kanaya directly, who in turn shakes her head with a calm smile.

“It's quite alright. Karkat here might have the volume going, but I don't think he's actually particularly upset. Between the three of us - he's just a very expressive guy.” Kanaya explains with a tricky little smile, and Rose returns it.. God, this is creepy, their personalities align way too well.

Kanaya then gets up and politely extends her hand towards Rose, who smiles and approaches the three of you.

“It's a pleasure to meet you in person, I'm Kanaya and this is Karkat, as previously mentioned.” She says while grasping Rose's hand in both of hers, similarly as she did to you.

“I must say the same, it’s a delight to have you.”

After having been let go, Rose turns to Karkat and speaks. And to everyone's surprise, it's not in English.

You don't recognize it, but going by the baffled expression both trolls give her, it's definitely Alternian. Huh. Mark that down as one more thing you don't know about your own sister.

In return, Karkat replies in their warbled, bizarre tongue, and going by their tones it sounds like it's very shallow pleasantries being exchanged. But the look of surprised delight on Karkat's face makes you think that what Rose is saying doesn't matter as much as the gesture to actually learn some of their words.

Rose must've noticed your surprised expression, because the look she gives you is all kinds of smug. Then she turns to Kanaya again.

“I've sadly only learned a very basic greeting, and I'm not even sure the pronunciation is entirely right.” She says, and it's very clear to you that she's exaggerating her bashfulness. Goddamn, your sister can be smooth.

“The pronunciation could use a little work perhaps, but it was certainly not bad for a human. And I mean no offense! As I've understood, it's difficult for humans to make some of the sounds required in certain words. Something about different throat anatomy.” Kanaya replies, and you're fairly sure that this is how the rest of the evening was going to be like. These two blabber-mouths occupied in some kind of bizarre, intricate mouth-off.

Karkat looks like he's come to about the same conclusion, despite the lack of understanding of the conversation that's taking place. You wish you could fire up a conversation with him on the side, perhaps drop some burns in your sister’s direction or just offer your condolences that he came all the way over here just to have to put up with this, but alas, that was not possible.

Eventually though, you see him reach one hand and prod at Kanaya’s arm. Only then she seems to realize that she and Rose had been quite absorbed in conversation with one another. She switches over to Alternian with Karkat, and you’re left to guess what she’s saying based off her tone.

Karkat shrugs in response to whatever it was she said to him, and then turns to Rose and starts talking. You glance over at your sister, who seems to be listening intently, but as soon as Karkat finishes she looks over to Kanaya again for help.

“He’s wondering what sort of questions you had in mind. For your project, I mean.”

“Oh, yes it is about time we get that started, isn’t it?”

*

It pretty soon becomes clear that Kanaya wasn’t kidding when she had said Karkat was interested in relations. Once the subject had been properly breached, he was the one in charge of the conversation. Through Kanaya’s translating, of course.

Rose was leaning forward on the couch, a notepad with the quadrant chart resting on her lap and the pen attentively against her lip.

“I must say, I find the concept of kismesissitude extremely interesting. The way you have explained it, I’m sure humans are capable of it, but there’s no way two people in such a relation would put a label on it.”

“Other than hate-fucking.” You supply with a grin, and Rose shoots you a _look_.

Kanaya starts translating for Karkat, and after she’s done with what you assume was Rose’s part, she snorts softly and says something more. Oh no.

Karkat frowns and looks at her questioningly, and she speaks again, only to end with some soft chuckles again.

“I had to include what you said, Dave, I’m sorry.” She says as to explain why Karkat all of a sudden is quiet and is looking like he smelled something foul. His gaze turns to you, and you pull a repeat of the innocent gesture you made earlier. And finally he gestures back, a one-finger motion you’re very familiar with.

Rose snorts with delight, and you feel your own face light up with amusement. That was apparently not the reaction he had been hoping for, because he bites something out in restrained bewilderment.

“Oh, he says that he thought that gesture was a display of hatred. Is that not the case?”

“Oh god, no, you’re absolutely right. It’s just funny.” You laugh out, wiping away a fake tear from under your glasses.

“Speaking of kismesissitude.” Rose says, and now it’s your turn to have your momentum cut off. Kanaya helpfully translates, and Karkat extends his tongue in disgust. That sure is a sentiment you can agree on, so you mimic his expression and extend your middle finger. He flips you off again, and your non-verbal dispute comes to an end with this mutual agreement.

The girls then go on to discuss another one of the quadrants, auspisticism, which seems a tad bit more complicated than the other three. Kanaya however, seems to have some personal experience in this one, so it ends up being her doing most of the talking. She only now and then translates for Karkat, who just nods and seems to be listening in interest just as much as Rose is.

You sneak some peeks his way a couple of times, grateful for the cover of your shades so he can’t see you watching. He is similar to Kanaya in many ways, yet very different. To begin with, there’s a clear difference to their skin tones. Kanaya has an almost vibrant gray-green hue, while Karkat’s skin has taken on a much warmer gray. You assume it has to do with their whole ordeal with difference blood colours, that you don’t really know that much about.

Other than that, Karkat is.. oddly soft, for a troll. His horns for example has rounded ends, in contrast to Kanaya’s that are two very sharp points. They’re not that big either, and you wonder briefly if trolls are self-conscious about that. As in, size doesn’t matter and that whole jazz. That thought is way more hilarious than it has any right to be, so you have to let it go in order to not accidentally snort and draw attention to yourself.

*

The four of you more or less talk for _three_ hours straight. That is three hours more than you’re used to sitting down and having a conversation just for the sake of having a conversation. So needless to say, you’re _exhausted_. And while being good at not showing it, you can still tell Rose is getting tired too.

Thankfully, the evening resolves itself smoothly. It starts with Karkat yawning, and Kanaya seizing that chance to suggest that maybe you should call it a day and meet up again some other day. And despite having gotten more information than you could have possibly wished for, Rose seems absolutely delighted by the suggestion.

“That would be perfect, perhaps might I even be so bold as to ask if we’re welcome to visit your hive?”

Shit. Rose, no.

“That’s a really good idea. Although I have to ask my hivemates if they’re alright with that. We do live with four other trolls, after all.”

“I see. Well, you do have my number, so feel free to keep me updated. Otherwise we’re always happy to have guests here, right Dave?”

“Right.”

“Grand. Well then, I believe some heartfelt goodbyes are in order? I want to thank the two of you for your time.” Rose says warmly, extending her hands again to Karkat, who takes hers without asking and smiles back politely. She then turns to Kanaya and her expression turns downright sultry. “And for your company. It’s truly been a delight.”

You really don’t feel like interrupting this weird-ass vibe Rose and Kanaya has going on, so you awkwardly stand back and just watch.

“Likewise, I must say, if all humans are you like, I have definitely been missing out.” Kanaya replies, and oh god. God, no.

“No one is like me.” Rose quips back, and you honest to god want to die.

Kanaya flashes her fangs in a knowing grin and then turns to leave your apartment. Karkat follows after, blissfully unaware of the horrible flirtery exchange he just witnessed. You give Kanaya an awkward wave goodbye, and to Karkat you just give another finger. He jolts, and you almost bark out a laugh to how he angrily bores his eyes into you and flip you off in return. Despite it being awkward with the language barrier, you’re hella thankful he had come along. If you had been left alone to endure your sister’s shameless flirting the whole evening you would’ve stuck your head in the microwave.

The door closes and then it’s just the two of you again. Rose seems to snap out of some kind of trance then, because the look she gives you looks slightly horrified.

“Oh god. I just said that. That was so awful. What will she think now, that was possibly the worst way we could’ve parted on. So _unprofessional_ , god.” She bonks her fist against her forehead, and something in you finally snaps. You start laughing hysterically.

“What, _Dave_ _?_ What?”

“I’m sorry, I’m just in shock from what I just witnessed. Don’t mind me.”

“Was it that bad?”

“God, Rose. That’s the worst part, you were almost being a smooth motherfucker. It was just horribly painful to witness as your brother. Please don’t put me through that again.” You tell her, still laughing. She genuinely looks sorry, but then gives you a punch in the shoulder for good measure - which results in your laugh coming out as a strained cackle.

“It’s fucking great though. You invite some aliens over so you can write hot interspecies smut, then you and the smoking hot alien babe start hitting it off. It’s like a goddamn self-fulfilling prophecy. Holy shit that’s good.”

“Ughhh Dave, please. I’m going to bed.” She groans, but you spot a small grin tugging at the corner of her lips. She turns to walk to her bedroom, but before escaping your line of sight she turns and gives you a little steadier smile.

“Thank you, by the way. It was fun to have you along. I hope all your suffering didn’t stop you from having a little fun at least.”

“It was cool. Scary at first, but they were nice. Or well, Kanaya was nice. Karkat was funny.”

“He was. But also very intelligent, I hope to be able to communicate with him without a third party sometime. He seems like quite a wordsmith.”

“Oh god, I imagined that scenario just now and I’m not sure whether I’d laugh or cry in that situation.”

Rose snorts softly and looks at you fondly. “Good night, Dave.”

“Night, Rose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -accidentally writes Rose and Kanaya flirting for 8 pages-


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy sorry about the absence! I haven't forgotten about this fic. I just got a bit of a stop on it and then had a million of other ideas. But here's a brand new chapter!

A couple of days pass by before Rose breaches the subjects of meeting with Kanaya and Karkat again. You can tell she's been waiting longer than she'd actually like, perhaps to not seem to eager, and you find that hilarious. For being such a well-versed hobby psychiatrist she sure manages to stumble into a fair share of clichés herself. You don't bring that up though. It's been years you saw your sister this excited about anything, and while you do tease her a little bit, you're not that big of a jerk as to take it so far so she'd feel ashamed about her little crush. That would be the absolute worst.

It's not even about the whole bi-thing. Rose is ceaselessly confident in her own sexuality and you're all kinds of proud of her (and perhaps a tiny bit envious) for that. It's rather that the two of you seem to be wired to just power down if anyone points out you're having an emotion™, and reason why that is a thing is painfully top-secret. Your psychiatrist's ears only.

Anyway. Rose does bring it up, which makes you both happy and nervous at the same time. Because of course you're expected to come along.

“I was thinking this Saturday, perhaps? Unless you've got anything scheduled for then? Then again, those performances you do seem a bit sporadic.” She says, and you briefly wonder if she'll hate you for pulling out of the situation. You don't want this bitch of a situation to get knocked up. You're only twenty years old for Christ's sake, you don't even know what fatherhood entails. _And_ you have no idea if this thing between you and the situation is gonna work out in the first place. What if it leaves you to fend for yourself and the situation jr? You can't even take care of yourself some days. How are you supposed to raise a child?!

“Dave?”

“I'm not ready to be a father.”

“..What?”

“What.”

“Okayyy. I am tactfully going to disregard that and ask my question again. You and me. Visit the trolls. Saturday. Capiche?”

“Right. Uhm. They said they were living with four others right?”

“Yes. Though I'm fairly certain we’d sit someplace private. I could always make that request, otherwise.”

Bless her.

“Okay. Yeah. That's cool. Mark me down as a maybe. You know I'm not big on.. you know.”

“I know. That's why I'm asking in advance this time. I felt kind of bad for springing the meeting on you so suddenly last time. Though I must say, you handled it like a champ. I would even go as far as to say you were pretty _cool_.”

“I see what you're doing, Lalonde. Don't think I don't notice when you're trying to butter me up.”

Rose's smile takes on a mischievous shape, and you hate how she can do easily make you feel out of the loop of things. Like she knows something you don't.

You decide that just for a little while longer, ignorance is bliss.

  
*

You wind up playing music at the club during Friday night, so you sleep in what you can to charge up for the social call you've more or less confirmed you're attending.

You get up at twelve. It's a fairly standard time if you've been rocking out the night before so you allow yourself that tiny luxury. But the anxiety you woke up with doesn't seem to be going anywhere soon.

You grab a cup of coffee from the kitchen and then return to your room, then decide that perhaps a chat with a good bro might help you calm those nerves.

 

**\- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] -**

  
TG: hey

EB: oh hi dave!

EB: what's up my coolest bro?? my raddest duderino??

TG: oh god

TG: how many times do I have to tell you egbert

TG: not only are you being totally uncool when you type like that

TG: but downright cringy

EB: hahaha!

EB: seriously though what's up?

TG: im just chilling

TG: waiting for time to pass

TG: rose has convinced me to follow her to meet a bunch of trolls tonight

TG: already met two and i guess theyre chill

TG: but you know

EB: you're not a big people person?

TG: im not a big people person

TG: whoa you beat me to it on that one

EB: haha yeah I mean, it's not exactly the first time around we have this conversation.

EB: but what was that about trolls! you made trolls friends?

TG: not exactly

TG: rose had some kind of short circuit and decided to set up a playdate with two total strangers

TG: to interrogate them about their species love lives for her own sick pleasure

TG: or well

TG: her book I suppose

TG: but its still weird

EB: oh boy.

TG: yeah

TG: like I said we already met them once and theyre not so bad

TG: in fact, rose seems to REALLY like one of them

EB: oh you mean like, LIKE like?

TG: yeah dude you shouldve heard her flirting

TG: it was next level

EB: sweet! rose deserves the best, I hope this troll girl(?) is up for the task!

TG: haha yes and yes

EB: what about you though?

TG: ?

EB: do you dig the trolls? I don't mean in THAT way, just in general.

TG: mmm i guess

TG: i mean one of them doesnt speak english so its hard to say

TG: i mean he flipped me off a couple of times and i thought that was pretty cool

TG: and kanaya, roses crush, really reminds me of rose so like.. i cant not like her at least a little

EB: well I think that sounds awesome! even if you're seeing them because some weird rose arrangement, it could be a good chance to make new friends!

TG: goddamn egbert

TG: its shit you say like that that makes me wanna say “you sound like my mom!”, only i never had a mom so i wouldnt know

EB: god you say depressing shit sometimes

EB: don't avoid the subject, strider!

TG: alright alright

TG: i suppose you have a point

TG: which is tough for me to admit so you better appreciate that

EB: (i do!)

TG: anyway

TG: i suppose i should get ready to roll

TG: thanks for hearing me and my indecisive ass out

EB: anytime, dave! knock em dead!

TG: thanks man, bye

EB: bye!

  
**\- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]  -**

  
*

Whatever weird friend magic Egbert must have worked on you seems to have done the trick, because before you even knew it you're heading down the stairs behind Rose. She was wearing a nice, deep mauve coloured coat for protection against the elements. You had grabbed your old, washed out autumn jacket and shrugged off the criticizing look your sister gave you. It was none of her goddamn business that you’re still wearing the same clothes you had as a kid.

It takes a ten minute tram ride and a short walk to get to their destination. You've been listening to music on your way there, but when you're stepping inside the apartment complex you unplug yourself and look at Rose's general direction.

She glances back and offers a brief smile.

“It'll be fine.” She says, as if she had just read your thoughts, but you assume she just took one look at you and noticed just how fucking tense your whole body was. She rings the doorbell and stands back.

It takes a little while, but when the door finally opens up, a tall and slender troll gazes down at you both. She has long, wild, black hair that goes well with her feral grin.

“Aaaaaaaah, the Lalonde humans! Well isn't this a terribly unfortunate timing, I was _specifically_ told to try steer clear of you. Yet here I am just _happening_ to be the one opening the door for you. Oops.” Her biting tone is exaggeratedly loud, and it makes you think that she’s hoping more people than you and Rose will hear.

A brief glance over her shoulder confirms it for you, and the way she looks irritated when there's no one around to acknowledge what she’s doing.

“Well then. I suppose I will have to be the welcome committee. My name is Marquise Spinneret Mindfang,” she says, and does the most condescending curtsey you've ever seen. You can't decide if you like her or if she's freaking you out. “Welcome to this trainwreck of a hive.”

“Thank you, Mindfang. If I may call you that? Or perhaps you prefer the whole title, despite it being a bit wordy?” Rose questions, and from what you can tell she is not picking up what this troll is putting down.

“The whole title, please. Now why are you both just standing around out there for?! Come in, you're making me look like a bad host.” She's waving you inside, and when Rose steps past her, her gaze finally seems to land on you. You gulp when you notice her freaky eyes, and her creepy smile widens twofold.

“Please, come in.”

You hurry by and settle next to Rose again, who despite the creepy vibes Mindfang is sending out, looks quite collected.

“Is perhaps Kanaya or Karkat at home? I don’t mean to dismiss your hospitality, it’s just that it was them we were coming to see after all.”

The long haired troll closes the door and turns around towards you both, she seems to consider this for a while, then claps her clawed hands together. “Of course! No offense taken. I'll see who I can find.” She says and disappears. Rose looks at you with a bewildered gaze and you return it. You're here voluntarily but somehow that girl made you feel like you are being held hostage.

Only a few seconds later Karkat steps out of the same doorway you saw “Mindfang" disappear in. His expression is tense and sour, but as soon as he sees the two of you it softens a bit and he gives an uncharacteristically shy wave.

“Hello Karkat, it's nice to see you again.” Rose says, and in return Karkat nods. His eyebrows furrow in concentration, but before he speaks he locks eyes with you briefly.

“Hello Rose, Dave. How are you?” He speaks slow and the words kind of blend together like they would in Alternian, but the phrase is simple enough to not be misunderstood.

That puts you in the awkward position of not knowing how much English the guy actually _comprehends_ however, so in response to the question you just give him a thumbs up. Rose chuckles a bit.

“I’m good. Where’s Kanaya, then?” She says, short and sweet, and Karkat perks up a little bit. He strides past the two of you, and you have a brief second of bisexual panic when you realize you only reach up to his shoulder in height. He then turns and motions for you to follow, so you do.

It’s extremely hard not to notice the change in his demeanour, despite being a man of few comprehensible words. It must be the magic of having the home-ground, because that certainly helped you out when you first met Karkat and Kanaya.

It goes about as you expected it to go. You have no idea why Rose is insisting on bringing you along, it only takes about five minutes for her and Kanaya to fall back into the cringy kind of flirting as last time. And even if Karkat probably doesn't understand much of what's actually being said in between them, he still only lasts about twenty minutes before he gets up and leaves. You watch him leave and consider your options. You can A) Sit here for an hour and listen to your sister flirt, or B) Go and chill with Karkat, and maybe plunder their fridge. If trolls have those. The answer seems pretty obvious do you excuse yourself and leave as well.

There's a bit of noise coming from the kitchen, so you make your way over there to see if that's where Karkat went. Otherwise you're just gonna have to bother whoever is in there.

(Hilarious how when faced with the ultimatum to either listen to your sisters lame flirting or talk to a stranger, your social anxiety is nowhere to be seen.)

You enter the kitchen and to your relief, it is indeed Karkat that's scrambling around in there. He looks a bit surprised when he spots you, but offers a shy smile and wave. For someone the same size of a bodybuilder, he can certainly appear unimposing. You mimic the friendly gesture and walk up to him.

"Watchu doing dude?" You ask curiously, and he backs out of the fridge again to look down at you with a hesitant look. You repeat the question a little slower, but there's no sign of recognition on his features. Time to do this the hard way then. You point at him, then at the fridge, then gesture putting something in your mouth and raise an eyebrow. Hopefully that'll get the point across.

Karkat's eyebrows furrow in focus but the message seems to have registered. He nods hesitantly in response and picked out what it is he had been going for. It's some strange kind of purple stew. You look at it with some major hesitation before you snap your fingers to get his attention again. When he's looking, you point at the plate and then at yourself with another raised eyebrow; 'can I have some?'

He perks up a little at that and nods, then picked out two plates and scoops up the same amount on both. While it's heating up he turns to you again as to say something, but then falls silent in a frown. Right. Language barriers. The microwave pings and he picks out the plates, then sits down by the table and pushes what you assume is your plate to the opposite side.

"Sweet, thanks man." You tell him and he offers a quick smile. It's kind of a shame you can't really have a conversation, because you're kinda dying to rant to someone about the Rose situation, and Karkat would be perfect seeing as he's been present for it as well. You'll simply have to settle for flailing around with your hands and make funny expressions for now.

He motions towards your plate with his weird claw hand, then grabs one of the spoons he brought out and starts eating from his own food..stuff. You grab a spoon as well and copy him. It doesn't taste that bad. It has a rich, salty flavour and a weird squishy texture. You had to chew it more than you expected from how it looked, but it's better than just 100% slime. You glance up after a little while, only to realize that he's probably been looking at you this entire time. He's smiling amusedly from what you assume was quite a show your facial expressions just gave him. So you settle for giving him a thumbs up. Weird troll food: Accepted.

A strange kind of silence fills the room. It's obvious both of you would prefer some kind of conversation rather than absolute silence. In lack of any other options, you clear your throat discreetly.

"So uh.. Rose and Kanaya, huh?"

He looks up at you with raised eyebrows, seemingly waiting for you to develop your thought. You.. don't really know how to express that you think your sister is macking on his pal, especially when all said macking happens in the English language. So you jerk your hand towards the room you left both girls in, then make a heart shape with your fingers.

And it's like Karkat almost shoots up from the chair, slamming his palm onto the table and rambling something that you don't understand, but his facial expression is definitely saying 'i know right?!'. You can't help but laugh at his explosive enthusiasm. It really wasn't what you had expected, and it almost makes you sad that you can't continue on the subject when you and your conversational partner can't understand one another.

"Whoa, that the hell? Thrider ith that you?"

Oh shit. You know that voice. Or uh. That lisp.

"Wait.. shit, it's the troll dude!"

"Ah, yes. The troll dude. The title to separate me from the rest of the trolls out there. Fuck you very much."

"Shit, sorry, Captor, right?"

You're fairly certain it's him, there's not so many trolls sharing his particular.. aestethics. Nor any other trolls working at the club you sometimes perform in, but nevertheless you've never talked to the guy.

"Yeah. Thurprithed you recalled. Or you could call me Thollux, like everyone elthe doeth."

"Thollux?"

"Sollux." Karkat corrects and grins to the absolute scowl Sollux sends him in response.

"Right, sorry. Anyway, hey. Didn't know you .. live here, I assume?"

"Yeah, I live with thethe idioth. That explainth why I'm here. Why are you here?"

"Awe man, I'm here with my sister. She's flirting up a storm with Kanaya in another room so me and Karkat are seeking shelter in here."

Sollux snorts and grabs a can of something from the fridge and leans back toward one of the kitchen desks. He's wearing some ragged old jeans and a sleazy t-shirt with a Depeche Mode print on it.

"And tharing thome grubth it lookth like? Didn't know you liked troll food, Thrider."

“Wait.. grubs? This is mashed grubs or whatever?”

Sollux snorts and nods, then turns to say something to Karkat which you can only guess is that it's only now you realize what it is you've put in your mouth. Karkat snorts out a laugh in return and looks at you for a reaction, but sadly, you're way too cool to be grossed out by some pesky insects.

You only offer an outstretched tongue in fake disgust.

“Whatever. Still tasted good.”

“Uh huh. Tho what are you foolth doing anyway?”

“Uh. Well, not talking, obviously. Which is a shame because I’d sure love to complain about how terrible it is to be Rose’s brother.”

“Did you conthider our lord and thavior google tranthlate?”

“..no.”

“Then I gueth I’ll leave you to do that. Thee you at the club, maybe.”

“Sure thing, Captor.”

He shares some words with Karkat then, which are honestly none of your business but you get curious anyway. You cannot even begin to understand how frustrating it has to be for Karkat to be left in the dark about every conversation like this.

You fish up your phone from your pocket and open up google translate, then hammer in the first things that comes to mind (‘ _can you read this?’_ ). Then you reach out your phone over to Karkat. He looks at you with a vary face, but then takes the phone from your hand and looks at the screen. His eyebrows shoot up in obvious recognition and he looks back at you, nodding intensely. You can’t even begin to restrain the huge smile that spreads across your face, and you yank the phone back from his hands to write some more.

_‘alright, sweet. do you have your own cellphone?’_

You hold it over the table again to show him the screen. He leans forward and looks very focused on trying to decipher the translation of what you just wrote. He looks up with a bit of an odd expression but he does answer your question with a shake of his head.

_‘alright, that blows. But I don’t think it would be that hard to get you one. Then me and Rose could understand you’_

He looks up and meets your gaze after he finished reading, and you’re frankly not ready for the amount of emotion his big, dark eyes are currently expression. So you light up like a christmas tree. You can’t really help it, this huge intimidating alien is looking at you like you just handed him the world and it’s kind of a lot to handle. So you snap your phone back and frustratedly write for him to stop looking like a big dumb embarrassing idiot. Which thankfully changes the mood quickly, and earns you a playful slap on your arm. When you dare to look back at him again he’s smiling, and you realize that up until now you hadn’t really seen who Karkat really was. But now when he can react appropriately to the things you say? Holy shit, you’re gonna need a minute to process how fucking adorable he is.

Thankfully, you’re interrupted again by the sound of Rose clearing her throat from the doorway. She’s smiling sweetly.

“I just bid Kanaya farewell, I was going to suggest we head for home but it looks like the two of you have found each other..?”

“Oh, uh. I guess we did, but I don’t mind leaving. I’m just gonna write some thing to Karkat.”

“Oh, sure."

She turns around and disappears, and you start writing a small essay in the translate window.

_‘we are apparently leaving now_

_which sucks because we just got talking_

_but you should ask sollux for a phone or a computer. if you get one then hit me up.’_

You hand the phone over for Karkat to read, then pick up a receipt from your pocket and grab a pen that was already lying on the table. On it you write your number, name and your pesterchum handle. Better safe than sorry. You slide the note in his direction, and take note that he’s now typing too. He gives you the phone back and offer a big, toothy smile that really should feel threatening with all those pointy teeth, but it doesn’t.

_‘ALRIGHT DAAVVE IT WAS NICE TO ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND SOMETHING YOU SAY FOR ONCE SEE YOU SOON TELL ROSE I SAID GOODBYE I HOPE THIS TRANSLATES CORRECT’_

You snort a little at how blunt his writing is, but it feels very him. Plus you don’t know how much of this is the translator and how much is actually Karkat. But you give him a smile and thumbs up, which he mimics back to you.

You find yourself smiling as you and Rose are walking down the stairs of their apartment building, and you realize that you’re fucked.


End file.
